Adventures in Another List (Can you believe it?)

TV Land Lists 100 Greatest Catchphrases

I copied this interesting list from a Yahoo! link. Then I edited it. First, I got rid of some not-for-family-language. Then I removed quotation marks from all the programs. I italicized them to help the readers’ eyes. Aren’t I nice? I spotted a couple of typos and corrected them. Then I discovered that the list has only has 98 quotes. Huh? So I fixed that—I added some at the end. The text in blue is only some of the Yahoo! article.

"Sometimes it takes only a word, or just a few, to become immortalized in television history. The TV Land cable network has compiled a list of the[ir]100 greatest catchphrases in TV. The network will air a countdown special, "The 100 Greatest TV Quotes & Catch Phrases," over five days starting Dec. 11.

In alphabetical order, TV Land's list:"

1. "Aaay!" (Fonzie, Happy Days)
2. "And that's the way it is." (Walter Cronkite, The CBS Evening News)
3. "Ask not what your country can do for you…” (John F. Kennedy inauguration speech, 1961)
4. "Baby, you're the greatest!" (Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners)
5. "Bam!" (Emeril Lagasse, Emeril Live)
6. "Book 'im, Danno." (Steve McGarrett, Hawaii Five-O)
7. "Come on down!" (Johnny Olson, The Price is Right)
8. "Danger, Will Robinson" (Robot, Lost in Space)
9. "De plane! De plane!" (Tattoo, Fantasy Island)
10. "Denny Crane." (Denny Crane, Boston Legal)
11. "Do you believe in miracles?" (Al Michaels, 1980 Winter Olympics)
12. "D'oh!" (Homer Simpson, The Simpsons)
13. "Don't make me angry..." (David Banner, The Incredible Hulk)
14. "Dyn-o-mite!" (J.J., Good Times)
15. "Elizabeth, I'm coming!" (Fred Sanford, Sanford and Son)
16. "Gee, Mrs. Cleaver..." (Eddie Haskell, Leave it to Beaver)
17. "God'll get you for that." (Maude, Maude)
18. "Good grief." (Charlie Brown, Peanuts specials)
19. "Good night and good luck" (Edward R. Murrow, See It Now)
20. "Good night, John Boy." (The Waltons)
21. "Have you no sense of decency?" (Joseph Welch to Sen. McCarthy)
22. "Heh, heh" (Beavis and Butt-head, Beavis and Butthead)
23. "Here it is, your moment of Zen." (Jon Stewart, The Daily Show
24. "Heeeeerrre's Johnny!" (Ed McMahon, The Tonight Show)
25. "Hey now!" (Hank Kingsley, The Larry Sanders Show)
26. "Hey hey hey!" (Dwayne Nelson, What's Happening!!)
27. "Hey! Hey! Hey!" (Fat Albert, Fat Albert)
28. "Holy (whatever), Batman!" (Robin, Batman)
29. "Holy crap!" (Frank Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond)
30. "Homey don't play that!" (Homey the Clown, In Living Color)
31. "How sweet it is!" (Jackie Gleason, The Jackie Gleason Show)
32. "How you doin'?" (Joey Tribbiani, Friends)
33. "I can't believe I ate the whole thing" (Alka Seltzer commercial)
34. "I know nothing!" (Sgt. Schultz, Hogan's Heroes)
35. "I love it when a plan comes together." (Hannibal, The A-Team)
36. "I want my MTV!" (MTV commercial)
37. "I'm Larry. This is my brother Darryl. This is my other brother Darryl.” (Larry, Newhart)
38. "I'm not a crook..." (Richard Nixon)
39. "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV" (Vicks Formula 44 commercial)
40. "I'm Rick James!" (Dave Chappelle as Rick James, Chappelle's Show)
41. "Is that your final answer?" (Regis Philbin, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire)
42. "It keeps going and going and going..." (Energizer Batteries commercial)
43. "It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.” (Timex commercial)
44. "Jane, you ignorant slut." (Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, Saturday Night Live)
45. "Just one more thing..." (Columbo, Columbo)
46. "Let's be careful out there." (Sgt. Esterhaus, Hill Street Blues)
47. "Let's get ready to rumble!" (Michael Buffer, various sports events)
48. "Live long and prosper." (Spock, Star Trek)
49. "Makin' whoopee!" (Bob Eubanks, The Newlywed Game)
50. "Mom always liked you best!" (Tommy Smothers, The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour)
51. "Never assume..." (Felix Unger, The Odd Couple)
52. "Nip it!" (Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show)
53. "No soup for you!" (The Soup Nazi, Seinfeld)
54. "Norm!" (Cheers)
55. "Now cut that out!" (Jack Benny, The Jack Benny Program)
56. "Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!" (Stan and Kyle, South Park)
57. "Oh, my nose!" (Marcia Brady, The Brady Bunch)
58. "One small step for a man..." (Neil Armstrong, first man on the moon, 1969)
59. "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?" (Grey Poupon commercial)
60. "Read my lips: no new taxes!" (President George H.W. Bush)
61. "Resistance is futile." (Picard as Borg, Star Trek: The Next Generation)
62. "Say good night, Gracie." (George Burns, The Burns & Allen Show)
63. "Schwing!" (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as Wayne and Garth, Saturday Night Live)
64. "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy!" (Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle)
65. "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" (Trix cereal commercial)
66. "Smile! You're on Candid Camera!" (Candid Camera)
67. "Sock it to me" (Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In)
68. "Space, the final frontier…” (Capt. Kirk, Star Trek)
69. "Stifle!" (Archie Bunker, All in the Family)
70. "Suit up!" (Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother)
71. "Tastes great! Less filling!" (Miller Lite beer commercial)
72. "Tell me what you don't like about yourself." (Dr. McNamara and Dr. Troy, Nip/Tuck)
73. "That's hot." (Paris Hilton, The Simple Life)
74. "The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat." (Jim McKay, ABC's Wide World of Sports)
75. "The tribe has spoken." (Jeff Probst, Survivor)
76. "The truth is out there." (Fox Mulder, The X-Files)
77. "This is the city…" (Sgt. Joe Friday, Dragnet)
78. "Time to make the donuts." (Dunkin' Donuts commercial)
79. "Two thumbs up." (Siskel & Ebert, "Siskel & Ebert")
80. "Up your nose with a rubber hose!" (Vinnie Barbarino, Welcome Back, Kotter)
81. "We are two wild and crazy guys!" (Steve Martin and Dan Akroyd as Czech playboys, Saturday Night Live)
82. "Welcome to the O.C." (Luke, The O.C.)
83. "Well, isn't that special?" (Dana Carvey as the Church Lady, Saturday Night Live )
84. "We've got a really big show!" (Ed Sullivan, The Ed Sullivan Show)
85. "Whassup?" (Budweiser commercial)
86. "What you see is what you get!" (Geraldine, The Flip Wilson Show)
87. "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" (Arnold Drummond, Diff'rent Strokes)
88. "Where's the beef?" (Wendy's commercial)
89. "Who loves you, baby?" (Kojak, Kojak)
90. "Would you believe?" (Maxwell Smart, Get Smart)
91. "Yabba dabba do!" (Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones)
92. "Yada, yada, yada." (Seinfeld)
93. "Yeah, that's the ticket." (Jon Lovitz as the pathological liar, Saturday Night Live)
94. "You eeeediot!" (Ren, Ren & Stimpy"
95. "You look mahvelous!" (Billy Crystal as Fernando, Saturday Night Live)
96. "You rang?" (Lurch, The Addams Family)
97. "You're fired!" (Donald Trump, The Apprentice)
98. "You've got spunk..." (Lou Grant, The Mary Taylor Moore Show)

Okay, now, who’s the doofus who left these memorable ones off the list? (The plural of doofus is doofi.)

• “Beam me up, Scotty!” (Capt. Kirk, Star Trek)
• “The devil made me do it!” (Flip Wilson)
• “Meathead.” (Archie Bunker, All in the Family)
• “Are you ready for some football?” (ABC’s Monday Night Football)
• "Here comes the judge!" (Just about everybody, Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In)
• “Say goodnight, Dick.” “Goodnight, Dick.” (Dan Rowan and Dick Martin, Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In)

“I’m outta here.” (Paul Nichols, Writing from the Hip)

Adventures on I-40 and Among the Stars

I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. If you happen to be driving past Pancake Flats and don’t see me, it’s because My First Wife and I are headed for Amarillo, Texas, for a lapful of grandkids. Enjoy your feast and your family.

And then for your holiday reading pleasure…
I want to tip my hat to Emmitt Smith, a former professional football star. He and his trainer/dance partner, Cheryl Burk, recently won a TV contest called Dancing with the Stars. Even though I never watched the show, I was rooting for Emmitt all the way. (I kept up via Yahoo!) Oh, and congratulations to Cheryl, too.

I am neither a fan of that show nor of professional football. However, I am a fan of Emmitt Smith. I “got to know him” when my family and I lived in Dallas. Here’s 22 reasons why I like Emmitt Smith.

1. Emmitt Smith is a faithful husband and a dependable father.
2. He has a world-class work ethic.
3. Emmitt Smith is a man of integrity.

4. He has a generous heart for those less-privileged than himself.
5. Emmitt Smith is an astute business man.
6. He is a trustworthy man.
7. Emmitt Smith is a humble man.
8. He has vision.
9. Emmitt Smith has a special, untouchable will to win.
10. Emmitt Smith has a special, untouchable sense of graciousness.
11. He promised his mother he’d earn his college degree. And he did, even though he was already a big-money football star.
12. I once saw Emmitt Smith—with a separated shoulder—reach up and snatch a first-down pass. He should have been on the sidelines, but his sacrificial attitude, and that painful catch, propelled his team on to the Super Bowl.
13. Emmitt Smith is an unselfish team player.
14. I admire Emmitt Smith because he gives back to the communities that supported his drive to the mountaintop(s). Pensacola, Florida; the University of Florida; Dallas, Texas; Phoenix, Arizona.
    
15. I admire Emmitt Smith because even though he stood on the pinnacle(s)—he didn’t camp there.

16. I admire Emmitt Smith because he never let the front page change who he is.
17. I admire him because he provides education funds for kids who really need it.
18. I admire him because he is untouched by scandal.
19. I admire Emmitt Smith because he isn’t afraid of pain or risks or hard work.
20. I admire Emmitt Smith because, to the best of my knowledge, he never criticized anyone.
21. Emmitt Smith smiles!
22. Emmitt Smith can dance!

This country—government, business, sports, religion, politics—could use a lot more Number 22s.

Adventures with the Biggest Losers

This is Bob. Bob is a trainer. Bob is featured on the TV show, The Biggest Loser. Don't let Bob near me! He looks too much like hard work.



He's not so fancy. I can do that with both feet on the ground!

Disclaimer. I got this photo from the Internet. I don't know who took it. But kudos to whoever owns the copyright on it. Thanks. And may your bulbs always flash.

Adventures on November 15

My First Wife and I were married 43 years ago this evening.



In that time, we had one wedding.
Three kids.
Nine Grandkids.
A family!
Forty-three gazillion friends.
Eleventy-nine, eighty-seventeen blessings (and still counting).
One huge scoop of forgiveness.
One bottomless bucket of laughter.
Love splattered all over each other.

What an adventure! And it ain’t over yet, is it, honey?

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.

Adventures with My Best Friend

My Best Friend, Bob Hilderman, was my pastor in the late 60s. That’s when we first met in Tucson, Arizona. Not long after that, he took his family to Window Rock, Arizona where he preached and taught the Bible to First Americans on the Navajo Indian Reservation.

Despite the many miles between us, and despite our numerous addresses over the years, Pastor Hilderman and I bonded, bonded, bonded. Never a month went by that we didn’t communicate. Sometime oftener. He held and kissed our infant children and one day he conducted my son’s wedding. How many times did he pray with us—on the phone and in letters? We are best friends.

He taught me one thing I will always remember: “The future is as bright as the promises of God.” This from a faithful man who suffered more sick pain than anybody I ever heard of. This from a faithful man whose ministry calling was among the most difficult people on earth. This from a faithful man who ministers where the spotlights don't shine. “The future is as bright as the promises of God.”

And he could play the saxophone, I tell you. Whoo-eee! “Get down!” He only played hymns with it. That is, until he got real sick. It broke his heart that he couldn’t play anymore. Then last month he had a stroke. I got to talk to him last Tuesday and he recognized my voice. We talked and he kept saying, “…even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus.” I prayed that, too, because I know how much pain he was dealing with.

On Saturday night, My First Wife and I went to a Chinese restaurant. The piped-in music was old hymns! Played on a saxophone! (There's an oxymoron for you: Christian music in a Chinese Restaurant.)

“Hey, listen to that music!” I said.

“Neat!” My First Wife said with a smile.

“Reminds me of Pastor Hilderman,” I said.

“You know what?” she said. “I had a feeling this afternoon that he finally died.”

“Hmmm. I wonder if this is the Lord’s way of telling us he’s playing in heaven right now,” I suggested.

When we got home, My First Wife called Pastor Hilderman’s wife.

See that happy, pain-free guy playing first chair saxophone in heaven’s orchestra? That's My Best Friend, Pastor Hilderman.

Adventures with Kids

There are two cute little baby girls that live near us. One has bright, glowing red hair. The other already wears glasses. Then our nephew and his wife just had their first baby a few days ago. New babies remind me of an essay I posted over a year ago. I’m not the author, although I invested in some “editorial license.” Pass it around.

A Bargain at Twice the Price

Our government—bless it’s heart—recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to age 18. Only $160,140 for a middle income family! Woo-hoo! Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition!

For those with kids, that figure sometimes leads to wild fantasies about “…all the money we could have banked if not for [insert your child's name here].” Gong! For others, that number might confirm their decision to remain childless. Gong! Then there are those who think the best financial advice is “Don't have children if you want to get rich." Gong ~ong ~ong! All Wrong!

$160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. That’s only $8,896.66 year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. A mere $24.44 a day! Just a dollar and two cents an hour. What a bargain!

What do you get for a dollar an hour?

Naming rights—first, middle, and last.

Whispers from angels.

Giggles under the covers every night.

More love than your heart can hold.

Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

Endless wonder over rocks, ants, worms, dandelions, clouds, flowers and warm cookies.

A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.

A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles, playing catch and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

Glimpses of God every day.

For about $25 a day, you never have to grow up. You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, build Tupperware towers—and never stop believing in Santa Claus.

For just $171 a week, you have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to movies and wishing on stars. You get to guess the answer to riddles you yourself told many years ago.

And for $741 a month, you get to frame hand-made rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas. You’ll unwrap hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and open cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

You get to be a hero for less than $8900 a year just for retrieving a Frisbee from the garage roof, for taking the training wheels off the bike; for removing a splinter, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets a treat after the game.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. But who’s counting? In a child’s eyes, you rank right up there with God. You have all the power to kiss an "ow-ee" and make it feel all better. You can scare away monsters from under the bed. You instinctively know how to patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, go tromping through the wilderness and read magic right out of a book and onto a pillow.

I'm Snow White, Grandmother!

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, human sexuality, science, literature and fine arts that no college can match. You get a front row seat to history to hear the first word, to cheer the first step, to let go and let them go on the first day of school.

Then there’s "Mom, look! I caught my first fish!" Her first bra, the first date, the first time behind the wheel, the first grandchild—and then you get to hear about it all over again for the first time. "Guess what, Pee-paw. I went swimming in the deep end!"

Suddenly you’re immortal. A new branch grows on your family tree; and if you're lucky, many more branches quickly follow.

Here’s the best part: because of you, one day they, too, will love without counting the cost.

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”—Jesus

Adventures with Christmas Music

Well, here it is, the first week of November. I don’t know about the big cities where everyone else lives, but in The Big City near Pancake Flats, a few radio stations are already playing Christmas music.

All day, every day. Groan.

So that means it’s time to send my annual whining e-mail to the station where I normally tune in. My letter goes like this:

Dear Operations Manager,

Remember me? This is my annual “Christmas Music Complaint” letter. I won’t be listening to your station till after the first of next year. Like Christmas, that’s a long way off.

I enjoy Christmas music as much as your corporate directors, but I like it around Christmas and I’m only going to listen to it then. Perhaps you’ll reconsider. Please.

Yours is one of the few morning drive stations that isn’t salted with filth—and I really appreciate that. I’ll miss tuning in, but until you replace this early irritation, I’m turning you off.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year, too.

A day or two later the Operations Manager will send me a nice e-mail acknowledging mine. But he/she won’t change the format. “Thanks for your letter to Radio Station SAMO. (Same ol’…same ol’) Your comments are appreciated, but creativity doesn’t survive here.”

Well, a lot of businesses have completely divorced themselves from Christmas, so maybe I should be thankful that SAMO is trumpeting the Christmas season. But how can I be thankful? It’s not Thanksgiving yet.

Adventures with a Two-edged Sword

Two years ago, a lady in our church started an ESL program on Wednesday nights. (English as a Second Language.) The church gave her a musty little room behind all the other rooms and four or five people showed up. Last year, fourteen people showed up. This year, seventy people showed up! And many of them brought small children to the nursery and children’s activities.

What’s the secret to this tremendous influx of ESL students? Thinking outside the box; plain and simple. A few months ago, the nice lady who started the program stuck up home-made fliers in some nearby hotels. She got a response from the workers. Boy, didn’t she! She (and the church staff) wasn’t expecting such a hungry crowd, but… Apparently, if we can’t be missionaries in Mexico, the Lord will bring Mexico to us. Yee-haw!

So now our church is desperate for people to help with the children of the ESL grownups. So desperate that they even let me help.

Well, guess what! I get to work with some third grade Spanish-speaking eight year old boys and help them learn Bible verses—in English y Español. (Yes, there is a Spanish-speaking teacher.)

So, stay tuned. I may have some interesting stories as the weeks go by. I’m looking forward to several Wednesday nights of good things. Uno, I get to help out with kids. Dos, I get to share Bible verses from La Santa Biblia. Tres, the kids will help me improve my own Spanish. Quatro, maybe a kid or two (and their parents) will get to know Jesus personally. I heard he’s bi-lingual, too.