Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Joy of Washing Machines

Sometimes life happens weird. Even in Pancake Flats. My First Wife and I ran across a great employment opportunity recently, which is a good thing because I’ve been out of work the past month. And if I don’t get back to work, there won’t be a soul left in Pancake Flats to pay taxes and keep our town afloat.

We came across an opportunity to work together in what is called an “Independent Living Facility.” It’s not a writing job, but it’s a good deal anyway. And My First Wife and I are a good team.

So, as soon as the offer was made, we made all kinds of switches: our mailing address, the phones, the Internet, cable TV and so forth. The Man Who Hired Us notified the The Lady Who Would be Boss to expect us on Saturday, but to let us begin bringing things in right away.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 1: My First Wife gave a two-week notice where she works. “So noted,” they said. “In fact, go ahead and leave now.”

We sold our washer and dryer because washing and drying is a perk at the new facility. We emptied our refrigerator because three meals a day is a perk there. We packed and delivered a few things to our new home in A Nearby City. We gave a two month notice to our current landlord.

We called a moving company. “Okay, then, we’ll see you Saturday between one and three o’clock.” We e-mailed our family with a new address and cell phone numbers.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 2: Saturday about four o’clock the movers arrived and quickly went to work trying to double the price quote. When they were about half done loading our furniture, My First Wife called the facility and said, “We’ll be there in about an hour.”

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 3: The Lady Who Would Be Boss said, “You can’t come tonight. No move-ins after five o’clock.”


We called The Man Who Hired Us and reported what the Lady Who Would Be Boss said to us.

A half hour later we were saved. The Man Who Hired Us called back and said, “Tell you what I’m gonna to do,” he sang. “Why don’t you start in our other facility over in Another City?” That was fine with us; we would still be close to friends and church.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 4: The movers brought all our stuff back into the house, but only charged us My First Wife’s arm and my leg.

We went to church on Sunday and asked everyone we knew to pray for our situation. (Then we all went out for pizza afterward. That was fun.)

On Monday morning I dashed to the Post Office and got that change of address card back just in time (a government domino that didn’t fall, of all things). Then we went to the Nearby City and reclaimed the things we had taken over there. We delivered them to Another City. I called the Cable TV company, the Internet provider, etc. and canceled everything.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 5: We were supposed to start working this day, but noooo…pack, drive; pack, drive.

But we were saved: The Man Who Hired Us has a wife, too, who works right along side him. She found us another mover who would move us tomorrow (Tuesday) at one o’clock. “We’ll call you at eight o’clock tomorrow to confirm this,” the girl at the moving company said. And the best part is: they bill the company and we pay it out of our paychecks. Remember, we were recently relieved of an arm and a leg.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 6: I called the movers at nine o’clock, wondering about the confirmation. “Oh, do you still want to do this?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Okay. We’ll have someone there between two and three. Have a nice day.” [Click]

Then I called the phone company, the Cable TV company, the Internet provider and started over.

The Wife Who Works Along Side Him (WWWASH) invited us to a nice lunch there at the facility. It was a good lunch, indeed. Maybe this job will be a piece of cake, which is what they served for dessert. I then returned home to await the movers.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 7: I called them at 3:10. “Oh, hi,” the girl twittered. “Did you still want to do this? Well, first we had This Problem, and That Problem, then Normal Problem—you know, the usual stuff.”

“No, I don’t know. Where are our movers?”

“Hmmm. Well, let’s see. I see somebody I can send out. Hmmm. Maybe he can be there between…how about between six and sevenish?”

“Just make sure they’re here then.” (It’s Tuesday.)

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 8: I told all this to My First Wife and to WWWASH. WWWASH didn’t like that at all. She hit the phan and hit the phone.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 9: She put her hand over the mouth piece and said, “They can move you Friday and you can sleep in our guest room while you wait for your bed and furniture. And—oh, by the way, I need to tell you some things that I’m sure my husband never got around to mentioning…”

Image hosted by Photobucket.comFalling Domino 10: “…twenty-four hours a day. Fourteen, sixteen hour shifts for days on end. Cook if the chef calls in sick. …maintenance if the maintenance man calls in sick. Serve meals, clean rooms, wash dishes if somebody calls in sick. And this is not unusual. And did I mention twenty-four / seven?”

We were sick.

The Last Domino; Still Standing. While we were lugging our things back into our place Wednesday morning, the man who bought our washer and dryer called us. “Say, would you like to buy your washer and dryer back? It’s not going to work out for me after all.” We smiled and bought it back. Then I called the Cable company…

My First Wife fried fish for dinner tonight. I made the tartar sauce. I’m good at that. We washed clothes. Later, we sat on the couch and watched TV.

Sometimes life falls flat here in Pancake Flats, but I have My First Wife and she has me and we both have our washing machine again and clean sheets on the bed. We’re a good team. And as soon as we unpack for the third time this week, we’re going to sleep in.

“Pssst! Hey, Paul. It’s me, Jesus. I will never leave you or forsake you, remember?”

Oh, yes. There was a telephone message when we finished hauling in all our stuff. A potential job interview. Someone needs a writer.

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