Can You Say Fifty 50 Ways?

It was a weekend to remember. Not only for us, but for everyone who came to help us celebrate our 50th Wedding Anniversary. November 30, 2013. Our Golden Wedding Anniversary.

It actually started on a cool November 15 just 50 years ago in Columbus GA. Then three perfect kids arrived, Michael, Marcie and Amy. (A lot of thought went into their names and we believe they are perfectly named.)

After that, there were 50 different addresses. We moved a lot. We both had a restless spirit, I guess. It’s okay. Our kids were flexible enough to sit in the back seat for miles at a time and still thrive wherever we landed. The kids soon left home, settled down and refused to move unless it just had to be. At least we knew where to find them. All three are leaders in their communities now. Now they have 10 smart kids plunked down in the back of minivans. A few of those kids drive now. Where did the time go?

But, the Lord is faithfuler than we think. Far more than 50 friends have connected with us in ways only jobs can connect you. We have friends in just about every state in the country. We have Iranian friends, Chinese friends, Mexican friends, Muslim friends, Anglo friends—the list goes on. I know that we can pound on their doors for a meal or a comfortable bed. Unfortunately, a few of our special friends have passed away. Worse, we’ve lost track of a couple of couples that were pretty dear to us long ago.

[ I want to go on record and say that some of our friends are children and infants. We have teenaged friends, too. We have friends who have lived with life-long handicaps. Whenever I need my spirit boosted, I go find one of them. ]

During our marriage and right up till today there were at least 50 jobs—and I’m still looking. Restless spirits, indeed. If it had to do with writing, that was my favorite job. If it had to do with selling, that was Gloria’s favorite job. As a technical writer, which I is, I wrote 50 books. That’s right, 50. At home, I wrote at least 50 short stories and have given serious thought to compiling them all into one book and letting each of our 50 friends buy one. One story I’m really excited about is titled, Why Procrastinate When You Can Wait?

Funny, I think we must have been members of 50 different churches, too. Baptist, Methodist, Wesleyan, Pentecostal, No-Name Independents, Evangelical Free. My favorite denomination, The Four Square Church, was founded by Aimee Semple McPherson, a controversial evangelist, back during the Depression. What does it mean? Four Square? The church preaches/teaches that Jesus is our Savior, our Healer, our Baptizer with the Holy Spirit and our Soon-Coming King. 

Finally, it was Wednesday night. Everything started then. My brother’s bride fixed up a really good enchilada casserole dinner. With my sister there, too, we made funny things happen during the evening. At one point, my sides ached. Oh, who can forget Thanksgiving Day…er, night? Gloria’s two sisters and their husbands and one of her brothers came with his bride, too. It was our Thanksgiving dinner together. Can you guess what we had? We had tacos—40 of them! Gloria made them with turkey meat. We had Mexican beer while we were at it. For dessert we had pumpkin pie with whipped cream slathered all over it. Strong coffee followed. It’s just what B-I-L ordered. Turkey and pumpkin pie, or he wasn’t coming. Friday was work-eat-work-eat-work-run around in KCMO and stay out late. Fun. 

Wait! Did I say 40? Must be a typo.

And then the big party. Listen, we had the most perfect weather possible for this part of the country at this Thanksgiving time of the year. Incredible blue skies in all four directions. Wonderful warmth, daytime and night time. All those who traveled here commented, “Hey, thanks for the nice weather. I thought it would be snowing or something.”

Our church let us use the coffee-fellowship room, and one of Gloria’s best friends decorated it to no end! Beautiful. She used 50 shades of blue. And some gold, of course. Friends and relatives, in-laws and outlaws came from far and near. Some did not come at all (to keep us humble, I’m sure).

I wrote a prayer a night or two before and then read it to begin the affair. I read it because I figured I’d have a hard time to keep from crying a little. I was right. I have Catholic friends who think reading a prayer is perfectly fine.

Then everybody lined up to ransack that food table. Somehow or another, we had so much food left over that we gave away about 50 containers of something or another. Wow! You shoulda been there. Our caterer outdid herself! The food was deliciouser than just about any party I’ve ever attended.

Our son Mike N. was Master of Ceremonies. And a great one he was, too. Music rocked the party. My niece started it all with a short, pleasant repertoire. Then Zoe, our great-niece sang a Beatles song, Do You Want to Know a Secret, A Capella. A Capella! She marched right up to that microphone and started singing! Right on pitch, note after note. She’s awesome—and only 12 years old! Everybody should have a great-niece like Zoe! 

A little later, we watched Mike L., our oldest grandson hit the lowest note on the keyboard. He has an outta-this-world bass voice. Again, right on pitch! I’m telling you, that kid can sing. We all sang along to a few tunes. We enjoyed songs from the hymnbook and songs from Gloria’s youngest brother, who is a semi-professional singer. He entertained us with Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Ray Charles and some others.

In addition to all the music, there were plenty of jokes (to honor our sense of humor, I’m sure). Gloria’s second brother stood up and roasted us, just like they used to do on TV. That skit included 50 wise cracks. All in fun, I think. He let my own brother join in the fray. Our Master of Ceremonies even threw in a buncha jokes—about his own parents! Whoever heard of such a thing?

Amy, our Texas daughter, showed a DVD with 50 years of family photos she’d dug up. Her background music included Anne Murray’s Could I Have This Dance?, so I got up and asked Gloria could I have that dance. She said, “Yes” again. So we danced. In church. Suddenly, 50 people jumped up and cameras flashed! It was a real honest-to-goodness “flash mob.”

“Cake! Cake! We want cake!” That was all the grandkids getting restless and rude. Well, they were pretty much right. It was time to call one of my best friends to the podium and… “Cut the cake! Cut the cake.” Densel and I don’t see each other all that often, but when we do, we do. Know what I mean? He’s a preacher with one of the beautifulest families you ever can know.

He sang “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” We thanked everyone for coming. He offered a benediction and the kids yelled, “All right! Let’s go get some cake!”

We got hugged a lot that afternoon.

What about our future? “The future is as bright as the promises of God.”

(That’s a quote to honor a friend we’ve known almost 50 years. Bob Hilderman, who watched our celebration from heaven.)

Never Expected This

As most of you know, I re-started my blog a few days ago. I am revisiting some of the blogs I’ve missed the past two years. I opened one of my favorite blogs, one of the brightest and most positive on the Internet, only to find the stunning news that Husband is undergoing chemo and all those nasty after effects. He’s hardly 40 years old, if that much.

This is the last paragraph on their blog post, written by Wife.  

“Thank you for praying for [Husband]. You can pray that he will stay strong through treatments, that he won’t lose any more weight, that the treatments will work, that he will recover fully. You can pray that he will be able to keep running!!!! God is good to us every day.” 

I consider them friends and I think they have taken a liking to me despite the time between our posts/comments. I’m not going to link to their site unless someday, someone says it’s okay. And at her request, I will pray. Please join me.

Making Forks Sing

It feels great to be back in my blogging saddle again. It’s so comfortable here. Thanks for waiting for me. I think I found a magical way to begin again. Tell your friends.

If I had included these little incidents in my scintillating memoirs, it might have been a better book. My niece Debbie reminded me of it Saturday night; six years too late. That’s okay. Magic never sleeps.

Magic Forks

When I was growing up at 1122-7th Street, our family, six of us, gathered around our evening dinner table according to Dad’s work schedule. Three or four times a month? Those were grand meals.

Dad occasionally said something like, “Here you go, Ruthie (or Neal or Noel or Paul).” Then he held his fork off to one side of his plate, plucked two of its tines and said, “Catch!” We all held our breath. Ruthie held her hands out and Dad tossed the sound across the table to her.

A second later when Ruthie caught it: “Ping-ing-ing.” It was a pretty sound. A magical sound. And always fun, even when we knew it’s secret.

“Better a meal with vegetables where there is love,

than a fattened calf where there is hatred.”

—Proverbs 15:17

Memo from the Advertising Department: It's getting closer and closer to Christmas. Have you had a chance to read my book? Click the word "book," then order a bunch of them.

I Once Was Lost...

I cannot believe I have been set free! Two or three years ago, Blogger told me I couldn't play here anymore. But today I checked, just for the fun of it and...Walla! Walla!...I'm back! I love to blog. I've blogged for a long time--you know that. I'll be back at it here pretty soon and I want you to join me again. Tell your friends, too.

You know what? This is better than FB. No politics for one thing. The list is endless.

Thanks for waiting. I'll be checking in on you all, too. This is exciting!

It's Amazing, Grace

Isn’t it amazing how so many of us use the word amazing for so many tidbits of ordinary trivia? Awesome, too.

Have you noticed what a high usage spike those words have taken the past few years? Amazing and Awesome. At least that’s the way I see it. I mean, people use amazing and awesome for all kinds of lazy linguistic flotsam and jetsam. I think the Internet has a lot to do with it.

But really, honest, there are only five things that are Amazing or Awesome. Note: only five.

1. Jesus was willing to sacrifice himself for you and me. That’s both Amazing and Awesome
2. The birth of a baby. One minute you can hardly fathom the child. The next minute you love her/him like you’ve known her/him forever. In just a few minutes you can’t remember when that baby wasn’t there. How can that be? It’s Awesome and Amazing, too.
3. A busy gazillion-ton aircraft carrier can float serenely in the ocean, while a weightless pebble will fall immediately to the bottom of the sea. Incredible!
4. Freedom is a gift, earned by blood all over the world.
5. In 1969, men landed on the moon and the Amazin' Mets won the World Series. Choose your favorite.

• So stop telling me that you just dropped your amazing kids off at school. Your kids are no more amazing than mine—and believe me: my kids are pretty awesome.
• Your amazing husband is about equal to the rest of us, which probably means all husbands are amazing. (How does your husband define you, by the way?)
• "Our home fellowship group is amazing!" But it’s never noted in the newspaper; not even in the monthly church magazine.
• And have you heard? "The city finally installed an amazing new stop sign down at the corner."
• And I like this: "We've already been dating for 26 awesome hours. He's so amazing."
• “Our team had an amazing meeting yesterday afternoon.”
• “Here’s an amazing new BBQ recipe.”
• “We’re letting church out early so you won’t miss our amazing “Saints / Rams / Bills / Cardinals / Cowboys / Jags / Vikings / Raiders…” Again, pick your favorite.

Oh wait: here’s something amazing. #6. Out there on the freeway, they’re updating it. Did you notice? They’re widening it to six lanes (but only one lane is available) and rebuilding new overpasses for the next five miles. Of course, we don’t see! We’re too busy texting on our cell phones—at 60-something miles an hour (tsk).

Flagmen and women stand only inches from whizzing traffic (and exhaust) and endure the wrath and fingers of inconvenienced drivers. Dump trucks and cement trucks load and unload their loads. Backhoes hoe, earthmovers move the earth, graders level things, Bobcats scamper around, cranes lift and lower, engineers wander around with clipboards, steel workers cut, weld and place rebar, laborers sweat for you and me, concrete barriers move around in the dark of night, orange cones—I keep saying I should have invested in orange cones!

Somehow the old overpasses get removed and new ones go up, all smooth and wide. Somehow new lanes get created despite irritated, ornery multi-tasking drivers. Not very many workers get run over by us. Emergency vehicles somehow get through it all on their way to an emergency somewhere else.

And then one magical morning about five years later we wake up and "Look! The freeway’s finished! Finally! It took 'em long enough!" The overpasses are architecturally sound and beautiful. The orange cones disappeared. New white stripes define the new permanent lanes—and we fly down that shiny new freeway texting, eating bagels, drinking coffee and screaming at the kids. How nice.

That’s amazing! But no one says so.

Oh, wait, I left something off our list.

#7.  Chocolate with friends.

#8.  People and their pets.

#9.  Our English language ebbs and flows, eh?

Add something yourself.

Do Not Try This at Home—Bad Resume Stuff

My great friend—and great publisher—Monique got up on a soapbox recently and let us have it. She gave us a finger-wagging tongue-lashing about horrible resumes.

And rightly so.

I, too, have had a good look at some pretty unimpressive resumes from folks who should know better. From intelligent people. Educated people. Skilled people. And experienced people.

Listen, if you are a serious job-seeker, then you are a serious resume builder first.

I suppose our greatest resume blunder is the typo. How easy is it to type “there” for “their,” or “of” for “if?” Proofreading is the solution here. Yes, even by two or three good readers. Read it out loud, too. One misspelled word may end your opportunity for an interview. So check, check, check. And recheck.

Then before sending your resume, really read the advertisement or job description for the position that interests you—and build your resume to fit accordingly. Instructional Design means instructional design; not interior design or industrial design. Unqualified applicants' resumes go straight into the circular file. [Say, “Thank you, Monique.”]

Hiring a service to do your resume? Then your eyes must be doubly alert for all manner of potential disasters—including the correct spelling of your name, your correct address, e-mail address and phone numbers. Hint: don’t pay for a resume until you proofread it first.

Things that fast-track your resume to the shredder are outright gaffes, boo-boos and pompous nonsense. Here are a few examples that you shouldn't try from home. These may tickle your funny bone, but each one detoured someone’s career path. Not yours, I hope.

1. Cover Letter: "For more details, Google me.”
2. Cover Letter: "I would love to interview for the position of (insert job title here). If you grant me an interview for (insert job title here), I feel confident you'll see why I'm the right person for the job." [Note: that paragraph was copied from an Internet template and pasted onto the writer’s resume—as is. Do not do this at home!]
3. Cover Letter: "Upon your humble request, I will forward to your personal attention my letters of reference to be attached hereto and made part thereof."
4. Objective: “I aim to work with your organization. You will provide me with challenging tasks to perform in an efficient way and then reach the top and achieve the maximum out of the given opportunities enriching my strengths and beating all my weaknesses.”
5. Professional Development: "Consulted with internal business divisions to determine optimum learning modalities to meet business needs." [Copied from Monique’s FB post.]
6. Professional Development: "Numerous hardware and software certifications. I could wallpaper my entire bathroom with them, but my wife would kick me out if I did. " [Gong!]
7. Thank You Note: "Hi, Ray. If I don't get the job, that would be 'Hi Ray' robbery. OK, yes, this is a bad pun, but I couldn't help but think about someone stealing the above salutation. Hmm, I definitely took a risk there, as jokes that bad should probably be punishable by fines." [Gong! Gong! Gong!]
8. Thank you Note: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty! "

When you e-mail a resume, be careful what you put in the Subject line. Only “Resume” or “Applying for job” will get your e-mail tossed faster than you can read this sentence. But don’t be silly, either. I always put “Paul Nichols’ Resume; [Title of Position].” Think about how that stands out in a crowded e-mail inbox. Write your cover letter in the body of the e-mail and attach your resume. And then what? Spell-check before sending. Spell-check again.

Speaking of cover letters, Monique recommends that if you're applying for a position where writing is an important part of the job, make your cover letter a sample of your own best writing. If your style is too wordy or loaded with important-sounding but empty words, the hiring manager will assume that's how you always write. "Next."

She also says, if you're applying for a job where graphic design skills are a must, show off your design skills in your resume. Send a well-formatted resume, in an attractive style, with plenty of white space and perhaps some bullet points. With things like that, the HR staff will move you to the head of the line. Hey, you don't even have to be a graphic designer to do this.

Do Not Do This From Home, either: “Hello? Acme HR Department? I just e-mailed you my resume. Did you get it?”

And now, how about some one-liners for your water cooler chit-chat tomorrow?

• "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
• "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
• "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
• "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
• "I am a rabid typist."
• "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
• "References: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me."
• "Don’t take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
• "I procrastinate—especially when the task is unpleasant."
• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice-mail."
• "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
• "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

[Note: Donating 15 gallons of blood over the years is a remarkable achievement and worthy of high praise. In a resume, however, “Regular blood donor” is sufficient.] 

Your well-organized, well-formatted resume must not have any of the following.

• Personal information ["Engaged. Finally after four divorces I found the one."]
• Attempts at humor [See #6  and #7 above.]
• Incorrect or omitted words ["Organized a militia of employees to form the committees."] Or ["As you can tell, my says it all."]
• Extraneous or inappropriate information and awkward phrasing. [See Monique’s #5 above.]
• Exclamation points [Never! Never! Never!] 
• Excessive use of highlights. [If everything is highlighted, what's important?]

In the end, build these three great strengths into your resume: accuracy, truthfulness and clarity.

Oh, and dress appropriately for your interview.