The Joy of Royal Decrees

When I’m king of the world, I’m gonna issue these decrees my first day on the job.

1. No more potholes or school fund raisers.
2. Guns are gone. Completely gone!
3. Blogger.com and Haloscan get straightened out.
4. Young men’s pants will be worn above the hip bones. Young lady's, too.
5. I’ll have Hollywood moved exactly half way between LA and Honolulu.
6. TV newscasts are limited to three minutes—one for news, one for sports and one for weather.
7. I'll ban medicine commercials from TV and magazines. (Side effects may include less stress, fewer headaches, lower co-pay fees, fewer trees killed, indoor noise reduction, guilt-free public farting, and you won’t have to ask your doctor.)
8. Super Bowl numbers are changed to Arabic numbers. Super Bowl 50; not Super Bowl L. Same with the Olympics—except when they’re played in Rome.
9. Pancake Flats gets on a map.
10. Everybody gets a cool hat.

Vote for me!