The Most Popular Song in the History of the World

Well, if you ask me, My First Wife’s birthday was a delightful event. We spread it out over eight days—and we’re not even Jewish.

Thursday, Her birthday: After much ado, I bought her a couple of lovely gifts. She chose one and I chose one. Teamwork.

She chose a good-looking, but expensive valance, which I dutifully hung for her—five days before her birthday! When I finished, she said, “Oh Hunny, it’s…it’s…beautiful.” The neighbor ladies said the same thing.

The gift I chose is a very good book, Fueled by Faith by Jennifer Kennedy Dean, who kindly autographed it for her. Clever me, I brought it home and hid it among some other books on a bookshelf she never looks at—except the week before her birthday! “Hey Hunny, what’s this book?”

I gave her a touching card, of course, which I managed to keep out of sight till she woke up Thursday morning. She unsnuggled herself long enough to read it and whisper, “Thank you. It’s…it’s…beautiful.”

She cannot eat cake—no sugar, no flour—but that evening I baked a chocolate one for her, anyway. I never baked a cake before. It turned out pretty good.

Friday, the day after: I’m taking cake decorating classes, so Friday evening I decorated her cake with some pretty roses. Nice job, if I say so myself. I pleaded with her to have just one teeny, weeny bite. “I can’t, Hunny,” she said. “But it’s okay. It’s…it’s…a beautiful cake.” I earned a hug for the cake she can’t eat, and she went to the health food store and got a so-called brownie that she can eat.

Saturday evening dinner: Our daughter and 3 grandkids came over with one of the most spectacular gifts in the history of birthdays. They brought her a coffee table book, Dogs 24/7. The cover of the book is a picture of her and her late favorite dog, Jodi. She was almost speechelss when she saw it. "This is...is...[sniff]."

While she was crying, Our Daughter suddenly screamed, “Oh! Mom! I love your valance!”

She cooed over it for a few minutes, then got up and put together a whopping-good Mexican enchilada birthday dinner. My First Wife said, “Ooh, this looks good! These are…are…delicious! Spicy!” We indulged in forty-five minutes of blissful food and fun. There’s not a restaurant in Kansas that can match that meal.

Finally, it was time to put the candles in the “chockit” cake and share it with Our Newest Granddaughter—who celebrates her second birthday next week. We stuck a candle in My First Wife’s brownie and sang the most popular song in the history of the world to both of them. What a great night. Family.

After everyone left, she stood in the middle of the living room admiring her valance. Suddenly, she brought out the step stool and climbed up to make a minor adjustment. While she was up there, I casually remarked, “You’ve got a cute caboose.”

Happy Birthday!