Look, am I good, or what? After just one day’s experience, I’ve compiled a list of things to take to the recently deceased’s home and a short list of rules to observe while there. Some day, some one will thank me for this.
- Work gloves. (I don’t care how sweet the recently deceased was, take gloves!)
- Latex gloves. (The big green kind for cleaning stoves and refrigerators.)
- Latex gloves, and lots of them. (The kind that doctors and CSI actors use.)
- Dust masks. (I don’t care how sweet the recently deceased was, take dust masks!)
- Contractor Clean-Up Bags. (big, BIG trash bags) Make that two boxes.
- Bottled water. One case per person.
- Lots of packaging tape and one of those big tape dispensers. Lots of tape!!
- Paper Towels—roll after roll after roll after roll.
- Anti-bacterial hand gel. (I don’t care how sweet the recently deceased was, take anti-bacterial hand gel.)
- A dump truck would be nice. And a battalion of Army recruits, too.
- A fire extinguisher, and know where it is.
- The Yellow Pages.
- A twenty dollar bill.
Simple Rules and Courtesy
- No smoking. No candles. You don’t know how many loose bullets are lying around.
- Do not touch anything green or powdery.
- You are not allowed to keep the money you find under doilies and kitchen floor mats.
- No eating. Your hands are too infested for cookies or sandwiches. (You forgot where the anti-bacterial hand gel is, didn’t you?)
- When a trash bag is full, take it out to the curb. Yes, immediately. (I don’t care how sweet the recently deceased was, you’ll need the fresh air.)
- Do not, under any circumstances, open the refrigerator.
- Avoid wooden basement stairs.
- At two o’clock, find the Yellow Pages, call a professional cleaning service, donate a twenty dollar bill and go home for a long, hot shower.