The Joy of the Weather Forecast

My father used to say, “To become a weatherman, first you have to go to a three-week liar’s school.”

I was watching a weathercast recently and got to noticing a few idiosyncrasies.

• Why? No matter how exciting; how exhilarating; how intoxicating—or how pathetic—the general news; and no matter how bland and boring the weather (“…still hot and dry with no relief in sight …”), you’re going to get a seven minute weathercast whether you need it or not.
• Friday night a cold front was approaching (he/she told us), which would bring the temperature down from 93 to 89. Cold? Cold!? Since when is 89 degrees cold? Why don’t they just call it a temporary cool front? Or better yet: a front with a little less heat in it?
• By the way, has anyone ever heard of a hot front? All I ever heard of is a warm front. “Some warm, moist air is moving in from the Gulf,” he/she said. “So our temperature tomorrow will be close to a hundred, with humidity in the eighties.” I’d say that’s warmer than warm, wouldn’t you? Like hot!
• And have you ever seen/heard a weathercaster apologize for yesterday’s incorrect forecast? “Gee, folks, it looks like I stand corrected. Those were tornadoes; not light, scattered showers. Sorry. You just never know, do ya?” (Along the same line, your doctors can be wrong, wrong, wrong—but they’ll never give you your money back.)
• And I'd like to know why hail stones are always the size of something else.

In other news, the forecasted rain for Saturday still hasn’t materialized. "Look, Ma! I got an A in Liars 101."