Sunday, March 16, 2008

Department of Sheer Brilliance

Went to a wedding Saturday. My niece married a handsome young man in a simple and elegant wedding down at the church. After the ceremony there was a real nice reception with lots of fun, food, fellowship and best wishes for a full future together. Amen.

When it was all over, the two of them had put on a real good show. Except for one thing.

In the past year, My First Wife and I have attended three really nice weddings. But each one sported a common black eye. Attention: Wedding Planners. Yoo-hoo!!

I believe I have come up with a money-making gig that will make a lot of captive audiences real happy. You know that time between the ceremony and the reception when the pesky photographer takes an hour and a half for photos? Yeah, yeah. That time.

That time when all the R.S.V.P. guests sit in front of mounds of mouth-watering food politely waiting for the wedding party. That time when they wait. When they wait. When they wait. And watch fussy food caterers touch up their presentation. And faint. And squirm at a creaky table among strangers. There’s just so much you can say about the pretty centerpiece, huh? And rassle with hungry, squirming little kids. And wait. And try to discreetly change Pampers in a crowd of 200 hungry people. And faint. And twist in bent folding chairs.

Well, hey! How ‘bout a stand-up comedian to while away the time? A magician! Or a grandkids pageant. How about a karaoke fest? Card tricks? Or three-legged races. I'd settle for a bagpipe concert—anything besides sitting in front of mounds of mouth-watering food for an hour and a half!!! Attention: Wedding Planners. Yoo-hoo!!

Even something so simple as a Reception Host at the door. “Hi. Welcome. (Smiling appropriately.) “The bride and groom won’t be here for another hour and a half, but they want you to find a table and then go right ahead and enjoy the buffet.” (Hand gestures would be appropriate here.)

I wish I had thought of this brilliant idea sooner. I'm starving.

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