Lighting Department

Here's some enlightening information that we learned down at our adult Sunday School class this past Sunday.

How many church folks does it take to change a light bulb?

Presbyterians: None. The lights go on and off at predestined times.

Lutherans: Also none. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Charismatic: Only One. Hands are already in the air.

Roman Catholic: None, too. Candles only.

Baptists: Minimum of 16.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and appoint who brings the fried chicken and potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three.
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to explain how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb—and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Nazarene: Six. Five men to review church lighting policy while one woman goes ahead and replaces the bulb.

Methodists: Undetermined
“Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, a tulip bulb or a turnip bulb. Bring the bulb of your choice to our Sunday lighting service—and a covered dish to share afterward.”

Unitarians:
“We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for our next service, when we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life, tinted—and the new, modern energy-saving bulb—all of which can be equally valid paths to luminescence.”

Amish: What's a light bulb?