Saturday, August 30, 2008

Lists Department

Really, I never claimed I knew it all, and even though I do know it all, lots of other people do, too. But here’s a little list of things that have helped me know even more.

  1. I’m amazed at how well older women adapt to running things after their husbands have passed away.
  2. I would be a rich man right now if I had gone into the pavement business—and invested heavily in orange traffic cones.
  3. Sooner or later, all the words we speak will come back to us. Some will come back to haunt us; some will come back to bless us—and the choice is ours.
  4. When women reach about age 55, they start calling everyone “Hunny.”
  5. Never buy myself anything during December.
  6. Immediately after a big storm the first sound you hear is a singing bird.
  7. Why do women rock their babies to sleep in church; then turn and poke their husbands in the ribs to keep ‘em awake?
  8. I am not required to forward e-mails, nor feel guilty if I don’t. And if I do forward somebody's blathering e-mail, my wish for Catherine Zeta-Jones to come knocking on my door still won't come true.
  9. Efficiency experts will probably never be laid off.
  10. The secret to good writing is good re-writing.
  11. Hell will probably have big city freeways with all the slow, inattentive drivers bunched-up up front. And they will keep going slower and slower and slower...forever!
  12. Paying bills without stress is almost a worship experience.
  13. If I focus on results, I’ll never change. If I consider change, I’ll get some pretty impressive results.
  14. A newborn baby is still the miracle of miracles.
  15. Ever noticed that little kids are afraid of the dark, while most grownups are afraid of the Light?