Friday, April 22, 2005

That's the government for you


Have you been to www.mypyramid.gov yet? It’s quite a site and quite a sight.

First thing: they ask you for your age and sex. That’s the government for you. I don’t think either one of them is the government’s business, but I gave them my age and put “yes” for sex. You’d think they’d ask for my gender, but they didn’t. And you’d think they’d ask for my weight, too, but they didn’t. Hello!...I'm trying to get rid of some of it.

Then there are several colorful pages to read, study, copy, print, all of them promising a healthier me. The site even has a tracker. Again, that’s the government for you: always snooping around. It even wants to know what I had for lunch today. Honest. Does the government have to know everything? Even how many slices of salami? (Two, and an orange, too.) And it wants to know if you ate at McDonalds or Wendy’s. What the…?

I could go on and on about this nutritional site, but I’d take all the fun out of it for you.

Chew on this, though: there are no goals for anyone. I want to lose 0.6 pounds per day for the next 30 days so that I can get back into my suits. Does OurPyramid dot gov help me out here? Nooo. It just wants to know what I ate, how much I ate, where I ate, who I ate with, what city, how fast/slow, did I have sex or have a gender for lunch, do I regularly change the batteries on my smoke alarm(s), did I exercise today, did I sweat, why am I looking at this site, aren't I healthy, do I know where my children are, is it that late already, what I read at breakfast* (*do not include back of cereal boxes), did I file my 1040 on time, do I smoke, do I wish I could smoke, what’s my address, what’s my e-mail address** (**optional), how much paperwork did I reduce today…

All this designed and uploaded by The Lowest Bidder. Maybe that's why I don’t feel healthier yet.

Question: If I open a government web site, is it okay to pray, mention God/Jesus, or quote the Ten Commandments?

Answer: Well, I did!

4 comments:

Cara said...

Great post, Paul! I've been meaning to check out that new food pyramid. From what I've heard about it, it all sounds a bit goofy to me.

Bluegrass Mama said...

You are too funny, Paul--I'll be back!

Amy Sherman said...

I like what Jon Stewart called the new pyramid on the Daily Show last night--the international symbol of gay geomerty teachers! I took your suggestion and went ahead and posted about it today. Nice work on this one Paul.

cheers,

Amy

ana in Benson said...

Paul - The US census, asked if I'm a minority. "Jep. There's only one o' me." And the question about what race, "The human race." The one I keep waiting to get addressed about is on our Flowchart: Jesus is listed as our CEO. No one has ever inquired about it, said we can't do that, or asked, "Jesus Who?" You keep writing. Great article, Paul. You are sooooo refreshing!!!