Sunday, January 07, 2007

The Joy of Bad Knees

Cliff Morrow owns a blog creatively titled Cliff Morrow’s Blog. If you don’t visit him yet, you’re missing a hearty, healthy treat. The man is a joy—inside and out.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingAnyway, faster than you can hang a Babylonian despot, Cliff’s Bride has been scheduled for knee replacement surgery. Ouch!!!

Well, what with me recently doting over A Wife with a Bad Knee, Cliff asked for some “expert advice.” So here’s to you, Cliff.

First, while she’s in the hospital, boil a dozen eggs or so.

On the first day back from the hospital, have some boxed fried chicken stacked up and ready when she gets home. She’ll appreciate it. If you eat it straight out of the box, she won’t have any heavy plates to wash. You love her too much to ask her to stoop over to load the dishwasher.

Now for breakfast every morning, I’d recommend you just drive into town and hang out at the diner or donut shop for a couple of hours with “the boys.” That way, you’ll be out of her way, but you can still bring her back the community news. Oh, before you leave, toss her one of those boiled eggs to eat while she’s watching Good Morning, America—in bed.

Too bad you don’t have any kids at home. They could fix her lunch. They owe her, don’t you think? But on your way back from the donut shop, bring some hearty cinnamon rolls that have been well-slathered with thick maple icing. When you slither in the door, sing something like, “Sweets for the sweet.” Then just watch how far that gets you.

Some of the best meals you’ll ever eat will come from your church choir members, the prayer team members, the deacons’ wives and so forth. All you have to do is call one or two ladies and they’ll set up dinner service for weeks. I’m telling you, there’s nothing like good home cookin’, even when it’s somebody else’s. Oh yes, tell them to bring paper plates, so Marilyn won’t have to wash those heavy plates.

Now for sleeping accommodations during this tender time, give her a sweet good night kiss and offer to tuck an afghan around her while she falls asleep out in the living room. I recommend this because you sure don’t want those hard plastic leg splints jabbing you in the back half the night. And, I don’t know about you, but moaning and groaning kinda gets under my skin. How’s a working man to get any sleep?

So Cliff, just follow my lead and things should be fine.

Here’s another option: let her stay over at the grandkid’s house the whole time. That way she’ll eat like a queen and you’ll be able to get in some "work," without interruption. Bonus: Your Bride can have two beautiful and active granddaughters in her lap all day long. She’ll really like that!

Finally, it’s a good thing Marilyn has that dog kennel business, because after she gets well she can visit your doghouse once a day and hose you down.

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