In my perfect world…
- “First, we kill all the lawyers.”—William Shakespeare
- Chocolate is our official national flavor.
- Jesus comes back right away. (Yee-haw!)
- We never use “stress” and “baseball” in the same sentence.
- When I write an article, I only have to re-write it three times. (Yee-haw!)
Mexicoand the are merged into one nation. United States
(No more fences! No mas cercas! )
- Snow melts in a hurry.
- Comedy gets clean.
- My grandkids—Olympics…Broadway…Yankee Stadium…beauty pageants…PhDs…art museums…Nobel Prizes…
- The need for guns in this country has expired; therefore, no more private ownership.
- Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe are still married.
- Child abuse, autism and birth defects are things of the past.
…and…well, what’s that disease that affects your memory? (Hold on, I’ll think of it in a minute.) And.
- I’ll walk across
America; from Delawareto . California
- My First Wife will walk with me part of the time.
- There’s no such thing as “justa.” (‘Oh, I’m justa housewife.’ ‘Who me? I’m justa fry cook.’ ‘My old man’s justa truck driver.’ ‘Sorry, but I’m justa temp.’ ‘But I'm justa kid.’
- Slow Contests are no longer permitted in the fast lane.
- When you turn 30 you can have one credit card—but only after you complete a four-year money management course—and!—pass the exam!
- I’ll dance like I know what I’m doing.
- Sarah Brightman performs an invitation-only concert for us. (Yes, you’re invited.)
- Scripture and laughter are the only medicines. Ask your doctor if either one is right for you.
Texasto , wildflowers bloom all year. Canada
- When you holler, “It’s my right!” then you must also say,
“And my responsibility is _____.”
- ABBA makes a successful comeback!
- Alarm clocks are outlawed. (Awright!)
- When I get in a line, it moves quickly.
- Other people’s kids are well-behaved in public places.
- Jesus holds off till I complete my walk across
. (Well, he held off till all our kids and grandkids were born. And there was that Christmas bonus. And the college degree. And you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?) America
- Everyone is required to enjoy at least one taste of caviar. (Please, no marriage proposals afterward.)
- Everyone pays a flat tax—except politicians. Their taxes are doubled!
- Pigs Fly.
Okay, now you try it.