Junior Red Hat Society

I don't usually do things like this, but in this case I'm going to make an exception. Darby is my Texas granddaughter and I think this is a classic photo. Her mom took it with a digital camera the size of a matchbook. Her mom is my younger daughter, Amy, an SAHM.



This is not to say that I don't love my other grandkids, nor that I wouldn't put their pictures in my blog. I just think this is a prize-winning photo.

Once in a Lifetime

One of our credit card bills arrived recently, just a day after I mailed off the full payment for it. Hoo, boy, did they stick the late fees to me. Well, smart as I am, I didn’t panic. My plan was to call Customer Service and start a small war. I waited a few days till my check cleared.

Tonight I sat down at my desk and called the customer service department. Let’s just skip over all the numbers I had to press to Speak English, Speak To A Customer Service Representative and so forth. You’ve been there. You know what I’m talking about. While all that technology was slowing me down, I organized my bill, account number, purchase dates, cleared check number and date—hey, I was armed and aiming at the heart.

Finally, Tanya came on the line and cheerfully went through all the same requests for information—verbally, this time. Ho-hum: here we go again. You know what I'm talking about here, too.

She finally asked me the big question, and following is our conversation.

Tanya: “Now, how can I help you, Mr. Nichols?”

Me: “Zero out my account, please,” I demanded arrogantly. "That'll get her attention," I thought to myself.

Tanya: “Mr. Nichols, please hold just a moment.”

[Click] The phone went dead. I figured three minutes at the earliest. You know what I’m talking about. I sipped some water so my throat could withstand the shouting match I was about to launch. But …

Fifteen seconds later. [Click back]

Tanya: “Okay, Mr. Nichols. I zeroed out your account. Is there anything else I can do for you this evening?”

Me: ??

Tanya: “Mr. Nichols? Hello?”

Me: “W-w-well, Tanya, th-th-that’s the sweetest news I’ve heard in a long time. Th-th-thank you very much and God bless you.” I pinched my other earlobe with a staple puller just to make sure I was awake.

Tanya: (Giggle) “Thank you. I accept that and I’m glad I could make your night.”

Me: “Y-y-you didn’t even ask for an explanation.”

Tanya: “You’re all set, Mr. Nichols. Have a nice night. (Giggle)”

How could I have a nice night with blood spurting out my earlobe? You probably don't know what I'm talking about.

“A gentle answer turns away anger...” Proverbs 15:1

That's the government for you

Have you been to www.mypyramid.gov yet? It’s quite a site and quite a sight.

First thing: they ask you for your age and sex. That’s the government for you. I don’t think either one of them is the government’s business, but I gave them my age and put “yes” for sex. You’d think they’d ask for my gender, but they didn’t. And you’d think they’d ask for my weight, too, but they didn’t. Hello!...I'm trying to get rid of some of it.

Then there are several colorful pages to read, study, copy, print, all of them promising a healthier me. The site even has a tracker. Again, that’s the government for you: always snooping around. It even wants to know what I had for lunch today. Honest. Does the government have to know everything? Even how many slices of salami? (Two, and an orange, too.) And it wants to know if you ate at McDonalds or Wendy’s. What the…?

I could go on and on about this nutritional site, but I’d take all the fun out of it for you.

Chew on this, though: there are no goals for anyone. I want to lose 0.6 pounds per day for the next 30 days so that I can get back into my suits. Does OurPyramid dot gov help me out here? Nooo. It just wants to know what I ate, how much I ate, where I ate, who I ate with, what city, how fast/slow, did I have sex or have a gender for lunch, do I regularly change the batteries on my smoke alarm(s), did I exercise today, did I sweat, why am I looking at this site, aren't I healthy, do I know where my children are, is it that late already, what I read at breakfast* (*do not include back of cereal boxes), did I file my 1040 on time, do I smoke, do I wish I could smoke, what’s my address, what’s my e-mail address** (**optional), how much paperwork did I reduce today…

All this designed and uploaded by The Lowest Bidder. Maybe that's why I don’t feel healthier yet.

Question: If I open a government web site, is it okay to pray, mention God/Jesus, or quote the Ten Commandments?

Answer: Well, I did!

Interesting...

I'm hovering all over the Internet reading blogs. Here's a few observations; aka personal opinions.

• Is this a great country, or what? Everybody gets to have their say and everybody else gets to forward it on to millions of others. So say something nice.
• The most interesting blogs are written by women, and most of them are professional SAHMs. Now isn't that interesting? There are some great "Bombeckers" out there!
• Too many blogs contain profanity just for the sake of profanity. People who think that violent language is important should give their sites an "N" rating (nasty) so the rest of us can quickly move on to interesting sites with some quality and depth. This applies to bloggers in all countries. (¡Yo hablo Español, pendejo!)
• Speaking of stinky language: how is it that complete strangers can leave vile comments on another person's blog? [You're *** right, dude! I hate them *** three syllable words, too. Gotta love ***. I am *** and *** of her *** and his ***! ***!! Keep on ***! Bring it *** on!] If you did that on the phone, the sheriff would be knocking down your door within 10 minutes. If you sent a dirty letter to someone you didn't know, you'd be in jail and on the evening news within a week. Come on, be honest: you wouldn't talk like that in a Wal-Mart check out line, would you?
• Contemporary blogs remind me of early Internet days when everyone (businesses included) had a "My Favorite Links" button. Will people eventually get tired of plugging their friend's blogs? I hope not.
• When I first started blogging (Feb '04) I once saw my other blog listed on Blogger's 10 Recently Updated posts. Ooooh! Wow! Now I notice that there are so many posts that Blogger is almost 24 hours behind in posting the most recent. That's interesting.
• Some blogs have magnificent graphics. I wish I could do that. But I wonder: if the point of the blog is personal comments, then why the excessive energy on the colorful frills and commercial icons? Just wondering.
• There aren't too many older writers (bloggers). Retirees and the like. Maybe I'll go out and recruit a few. The blogs I've seen by older people are quite good; quite entertaining; provacative.
• I've noticed that most dedicated bloggers don't blog on the weekends. Now that's interesting.
  
• My other blog is the only one I'm aware of that has a beginning and an end.
• I love those blogs that feature good photographs. Music-oriented blogs are nice, too, but take up a lot of my valuable time. (You know why they invented bassoons? So there'll be plenty of kindling for an accordian fire.)

I'll probably add some more comments later on.

If you add a comment with foul language, I will delete it as soon as I discover it. I have kids and grandkids. Show some respect.

I'm a Big Fan, Part 2

I forgot to tell you: I have two classic books, Mac for Dummies and More Mac for Dummies, both by David Pogue. He autographed them for me. I watched him. And his wife autographed one for me, too.

Then he did some magic tricks. But the magic of all this is that these two books survived our house fire.

I'm a blessed man.

1 Calorie, 2 Calories, 3 Cal…

I went walking through the neighborhood early this morning. I thought I’d burn off a calorie or two with a power walk. But it turned out to be a beautiful, aesthetic, refreshing, leisurely, nurturing walk along pretty streets, past well-groomed lawns (which are greening up, by the way), through a mini-forest, across a creek… Wish you were here.

It was definitely a spring morning. Bright sunshine; no wind; moderate temperatures. Even the children were out on their bikes. I saw a cardinal; some robins and even a teenager. Whoever heard of a teenager out of bed early on a Saturday morning? I got some pleasant thinking done.

This walk today was one of the great hours of my life. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the all the conditions of the time and place. Maybe it was me. I guess all the forces of the universe came together in this one moment to really bless me good. I could have walked on and on.

Two things would have made it better: a horse under me and my wife along side me.

"...for his mercies never fail...They are new every morning." Lamentations 3:22,23

It looks like I used up my allotment of punctuation marks for this week, eh?

I'm a Big Fan

I recently received a personal, handwritten note from William Zinsser. He's the creative author of the great American classic, On Writing Well (and many other things). In his note, he was kind to me.

I'm a blessed man.